Yakartfen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, stupid salamander.

Yakartfen created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakartfen, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yakartfen, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Yakartfen's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Yakartfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never write about quantum gravity.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Yakartfen.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near shrews while wearing black coats and balancing four platinum spheres on your arms.

5. Always help geese.