Quafsagrawpan is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, proud pig.

Quafsagrawpan created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafsagrawpan, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quafsagrawpan, he will come to you in dreams.

Quafsagrawpan's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Quafsagrawpan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dwarf planets.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near grasshopers while wearing pink kilts.

3. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Quafsagrawpan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.