Hingess is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, emotional jellyfish.

Hingess created the planet Venus seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hingess, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hingess, she will turn you into a duck.

Hingess' most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Hingess' Holy Commandments

1. Hingess loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

2. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never talk about chromosomes.

4. Do not wear titanium on your body.

5. Never talk about spacetime near sharks while wearing fawn scarves.