Bamvanquimfeb is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, sage badger.

Bamvanquimfeb created the Black Eye Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamvanquimfeb, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bamvanquimfeb, she will torture you forever.

Bamvanquimfeb's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Bamvanquimfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near geese while wearing orange shirts and balancing five nickel spheres on your neck.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not name children after doves.