Dibcadquim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust squirrel.

Dibcadquim created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dibcadquim, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dibcadquim, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Dibcadquim's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Dibcadquim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

2. Always treat doves with great respect.

3. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Dibcadquim in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never think ill of sick badgers.

5. Always help tapirs.