Titbadhog is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, astonishing monkey.

Titbadhog created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Titbadhog, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Titbadhog, he will laugh at you.

Titbadhog's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Titbadhog's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to squirrels while wearing trousers.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Titbadhog.

4. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

5. Feed all hungry monkeys.