Sinvolxen is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, awesome raccoon.

Sinvolxen created a strange quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sinvolxen, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sinvolxen, she will turn you into a snail.

Sinvolxen's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Sinvolxen's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never pray while filled with joy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never wear yellow skirts.