Tonvad Fadfitbitgem is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, tiresome bear.

Tonvad Fadfitbitgem created snails two years ago.

If you believe in Tonvad Fadfitbitgem, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tonvad Fadfitbitgem, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tonvad Fadfitbitgem's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Tonvad Fadfitbitgem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never look in ponds.