Kenstigflis is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, annoying goblin.

Kenstigflis created Mount Everest six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kenstigflis, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kenstigflis, she will turn you into a goat.

Kenstigflis' most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Kenstigflis' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never hurt ants.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never hop near grasshopers.

5. Do not kill dolphins.