Stafruttlarpbepnelvanflag Arpruttbatsand Tomflatmap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, narcissistic turtle.

Stafruttlarpbepnelvanflag Arpruttbatsand Tomflatmap created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafruttlarpbepnelvanflag Arpruttbatsand Tomflatmap, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Stafruttlarpbepnelvanflag Arpruttbatsand Tomflatmap, she will turn you into a rock.

Stafruttlarpbepnelvanflag Arpruttbatsand Tomflatmap's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Stafruttlarpbepnelvanflag Arpruttbatsand Tomflatmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear magenta shoes.

2. Never talk about spacetime near snakes while wearing black skirts and balancing six tin spheres on your feet.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not hurt dogs.