Lapxuckrak is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, slow spider.

Lapxuckrak created the Cigar Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapxuckrak, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lapxuckrak, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Lapxuckrak's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Lapxuckrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never mention monkeys.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Put Lapxuckrak first in all things.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics.