Paklatbest is a god.

He takes the form of a large, moody squid.

Paklatbest created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Paklatbest, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Paklatbest, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Paklatbest's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Paklatbest's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear indigo clothing.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never hurt mice.