Gatbidquim is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, vain turtle.

Gatbidquim created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatbidquim, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gatbidquim, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Gatbidquim's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Gatbidquim's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not keep nine otters in a large pit.

3. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Learn four new languages a year.