Can is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, grumpy guinea pig.

Can created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Can, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Can, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Can's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Can's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Can.

2. Run away from turquoise eagles, for they are unholy.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Pray towards the south.