Xemmankop is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, thoughtless mink.

Xemmankop created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemmankop, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Xemmankop, it will boil you in a big pot.

Xemmankop's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Xemmankop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate dark energy during the night.

2. Do not consume carrots at dawn.

3. Always wear plain shoes during rituals.

4. Do not take Xemmankop's name in vain.

5. Do not kill foxes.