Joncubtun is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, weak lobster.

Joncubtun created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Joncubtun, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Joncubtun, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Joncubtun's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Joncubtun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never think about gravity near ants while wearing pink scarves and balancing nine lead spheres on your hands.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always look after injured tapirs.

5. Always help swans.