Hatvogarm is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, calm narwhal.

Hatvogarm created the planet Jupiter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hatvogarm, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hatvogarm, he will destroy your home planet.

Hatvogarm's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Hatvogarm's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not kill tortoises.

3. Never travel toward the north during spring.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching zinc.

5. Never feed lemons to eagles while wearing magenta ear rings.