Bapfobcap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, grumpy bear.

Bapfobcap created the Whirlpool Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapfobcap, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bapfobcap, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Bapfobcap's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Bapfobcap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Bapfobcap.

3. Erect four lead sculptures of Bapfobcap on top of important buildings.

4. Always obey Bapfobcap's priests.

5. Do not keep eight eagles in a large pit.