Kontarhasyartmon is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, witless jackal.

Kontarhasyartmon created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kontarhasyartmon, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Kontarhasyartmon, she will cry a lot.

Kontarhasyartmon's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Kontarhasyartmon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

3. Always help monkeys.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Never feed turnips to whales while wearing purple coats.