Kandonzen is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unselfish crocodile.

Kandonzen created water six million years ago.

If you believe in Kandonzen, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Kandonzen, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Kandonzen's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Kandonzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your chest.

2. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

3. Never talk about optics near sheep while wearing green dresses.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near goats while wearing mauve scarves and balancing four titanium spheres on your head.

5. Kandonzen loves snails, so they must be honoured.