Raptomnut is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, quiet crocodile.

Raptomnut created humanity three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Raptomnut, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Raptomnut, he will boil you in a big pot.

Raptomnut's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Raptomnut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Raptomnut.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.