Pakzodjin is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, humorless mink.

Pakzodjin created a down quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Pakzodjin, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pakzodjin, he will jump up and down on your head.

Pakzodjin's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Pakzodjin's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat badgers with great respect.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Run away if five birds approach from the east.

4. Never feed lots of nuts to swans while wearing blue stockings.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.