Tontarpwat is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, self-confident dragon.

Tontarpwat created a photon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tontarpwat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tontarpwat, she will turn you into a dog.

Tontarpwat's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tontarpwat's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tontarpwat first in all things.

2. Do not kill pigs.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never feed garlic to moths while wearing jumpers.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.