Lakcipnan is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, strong slug.

Lakcipnan created humankind eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakcipnan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lakcipnan, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lakcipnan's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Lakcipnan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Lakcipnan.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lakcipnan.

4. Lakcipnan loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.