Fubcutzan is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, fussy raccoon.

Fubcutzan created the planet Saturn eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fubcutzan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fubcutzan, he will boil you in a big pot.

Fubcutzan's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Fubcutzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snails.

2. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always wear gray.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fubcutzan.