Kapapptanveg is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, competent wyrm.

Kapapptanveg created a charm quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapapptanveg, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kapapptanveg, he will turn you into a frog.

Kapapptanveg's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Kapapptanveg's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove jumpers before touching aluminium.

2. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Always help geese in need.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.