Fasortkap is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omnipotent cat.

Fasortkap created parasitic wasps two billion years ago.

If you believe in Fasortkap, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fasortkap, he will turn you into a slug.

Fasortkap's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Fasortkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Fasortkap loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never sing in the presence of monkeys.

5. Never write about archaea.