Dumyimmad is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, sage aardvark.

Dumyimmad created bats four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dumyimmad, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dumyimmad, he will turn you into a puffin.

Dumyimmad's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Dumyimmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near bats while wearing magenta shirts and balancing seven silver spheres on your back.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Never eat tomatoes on fasting days.

4. Never pray while filled with joy.

5. Put Dumyimmad first in all things.