Flowgumjan is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, smart raven.

Flowgumjan created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Flowgumjan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Flowgumjan, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Flowgumjan's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Flowgumjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your legs orange.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Feed all hungry tapirs.

5. Never eat bark.