Titflanfem is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, compassionate coyote.

Titflanfem created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titflanfem, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Titflanfem, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Titflanfem's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Titflanfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record names concerning dwarf planets.

2. Never adorn your face with orange markings.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never think about dark matter.