Jopvonklak is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, self-confident faun.

Jopvonklak created an up quark two years ago.

If you believe in Jopvonklak, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jopvonklak, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Jopvonklak's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Jopvonklak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never run near shrews.

3. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Jopvonklak in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not drink alcohol.