Pitmidkan Zakpoploop is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unthinking guinea pig.

Pitmidkan Zakpoploop created humankind two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitmidkan Zakpoploop, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Pitmidkan Zakpoploop, she will throw large rocks at you.

Pitmidkan Zakpoploop's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Pitmidkan Zakpoploop's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near swans.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never feed lots of limes to bats while wearing black jumpers.

4. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Do not covet oxen.