Kemvilten Bonhom Wodmadmis is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, merciful zebra.

Kemvilten Bonhom Wodmadmis created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemvilten Bonhom Wodmadmis, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kemvilten Bonhom Wodmadmis, she will turn you into a duck.

Kemvilten Bonhom Wodmadmis' most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Kemvilten Bonhom Wodmadmis' Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Kemvilten Bonhom Wodmadmis.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not place aubergines upon stone.

5. Hide from yellow shrews for they are unholy.