Jarnnakwandumhan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, proud newt.

Jarnnakwandumhan created a top quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnnakwandumhan, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jarnnakwandumhan, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jarnnakwandumhan's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Jarnnakwandumhan's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near bats while wearing indigo rings.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jarnnakwandumhan.

5. Never talk about fire.