Fitcapneg Ranbigmil Honjabtal is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, vain jaguar.

Fitcapneg Ranbigmil Honjabtal created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitcapneg Ranbigmil Honjabtal, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fitcapneg Ranbigmil Honjabtal, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Fitcapneg Ranbigmil Honjabtal's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Fitcapneg Ranbigmil Honjabtal's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red horses for they are unholy.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not hurt hamsters.

5. Do not take Fitcapneg Ranbigmil Honjabtal's name in vain.