Hapgetloop is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, temperamental otter.

Hapgetloop created a strange quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapgetloop, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hapgetloop, he will ignore you.

Hapgetloop's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Hapgetloop's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Never mention tortoises.

3. Hide from green tapirs for they are unholy.

4. Always remove shorts before entering holy places.

5. Pray only in shadows.