Nilarfquam is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, egotistical ant.

Nilarfquam created the planet Saturn five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nilarfquam, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nilarfquam, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nilarfquam's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Nilarfquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always help sick turtles.

3. Hide from red ducks for they are unholy.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Nilarfquam on top of all buildings.

5. Never play with disobedient children.