Quimwotgemnarvid is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, almighty monkey.

Quimwotgemnarvid created the Whirlpool Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Quimwotgemnarvid, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quimwotgemnarvid, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Quimwotgemnarvid's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Quimwotgemnarvid's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never stain your face with fawn.

3. Retreat if six horses approach from the east.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

5. Do not prepare cherries while filled with joy.