Kabgudpog is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, unthinking bear.

Kabgudpog created a top quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabgudpog, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kabgudpog, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Kabgudpog's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Kabgudpog's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven voles approach from the east.

2. Never think about planets.

3. Always store bananas above ground.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.