Lopbigyak is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, moody mole.

Lopbigyak created the planet Mars five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopbigyak, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lopbigyak, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Lopbigyak's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Lopbigyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Always help nematodes in need.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not shave your legs.