Tifwipbod is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unthinking ant.

Tifwipbod created a down quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Tifwipbod, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tifwipbod, it will turn you into a dog.

Tifwipbod's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tifwipbod's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat onions.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never speak aloud of secrets.

5. Never write about stars.