Stragmitjap is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, pitiless bird.

Stragmitjap created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Stragmitjap, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Stragmitjap, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Stragmitjap's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Stragmitjap's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Worship no other gods but Stragmitjap.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not eat lentils.