Nartvabquam is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, blissful crab.

Nartvabquam created a Higgs boson five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartvabquam, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nartvabquam, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Nartvabquam's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Nartvabquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest magenta.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not take Nartvabquam's name in vain.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.