Gofruttflapzen is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, tranquil mole.

Gofruttflapzen created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofruttflapzen, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gofruttflapzen, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gofruttflapzen's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Gofruttflapzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

2. Do not hurt bats.

3. You must pray to Gofruttflapzen three times a day.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near capybaras while wearing yellow stockings and balancing six lead spheres on your legs.

5. Do not make images of living things.