Pangxuczankimlitbaflatren is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, contented salamander.

Pangxuczankimlitbaflatren created a photon two million years ago.

If you believe in Pangxuczankimlitbaflatren, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Pangxuczankimlitbaflatren, he will turn you into a tree.

Pangxuczankimlitbaflatren's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Pangxuczankimlitbaflatren's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.