Xemhamcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, witty goat.

Xemhamcuss created a photon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Xemhamcuss, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Xemhamcuss, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Xemhamcuss' most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Xemhamcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Hide from pink gulls for they are unholy.

2. Always help sick snails.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

4. Always obey Xemhamcuss' priests.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near grasshopers while wearing brown coats and balancing seven nickel spheres on your back.