Kaprotkom is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, almighty troll.

Kaprotkom created Mount Everest nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kaprotkom, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kaprotkom, she will turn you into a slug.

Kaprotkom's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Kaprotkom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never feed onions to dogs while wearing shirts.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.