Safpibhapgon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, smart snail.

Safpibhapgon created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Safpibhapgon, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Safpibhapgon, he will not care.

Safpibhapgon's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Safpibhapgon's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Safpibhapgon's priests.

2. Shun those given to greed.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Safpibhapgon.

4. Never speak the names of moons aloud.

5. Do not prepare onions while wearing skirts.