Wabsombif is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, vain walrus.

Wabsombif created an electron two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wabsombif, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Wabsombif, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Wabsombif's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Wabsombif's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Wabsombif.

2. Never eat strawberries.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

5. Wabsombif must be the most important thing in your life.