Yartgommisjig is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, blissful faun.

Yartgommisjig created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartgommisjig, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yartgommisjig, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Yartgommisjig's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Yartgommisjig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large copper sculpture of Yartgommisjig on top of all buildings.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

4. Never gather nine monkeys in one place.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics.