Zakkonpig is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, cheerful bear.

Zakkonpig created light nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zakkonpig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zakkonpig, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Zakkonpig's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Zakkonpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not take Zakkonpig's name in vain.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not covet oxen.